Today makes a week since I have started the medication and the FLT. I had another apointment with Debra this morning. It went ok. We discussed my first week and how things were going. The pills I’m on are great. They give me great energy during the day, so I’m no longer taking a nap. My appetite is starting to really balance itself out. I’m never hungry anymore. The night time cravings and hunger pains are almost completely gone. Im having a hard time making myself actually eat. I had days where I would eat at 8:30am and then not again til 8pm and then other days where I just wouldn’t eat til dinner. I’m just not hungry. It doesn’t take much to fill me up anymore and my willpower to sustain from eating sweets and fried foods I’m not supposed to have is great. I just don’t want it. Although, last night I couldn’t help myself. I craved a taco bell cheesey gordita crunch like it was nobody’s business lol. My only problem I have been having is that the energy doesn’t stop when the sun goes down. I have always had a problem with insomnia for as long as I can remember. These pills are really not helping that problem. I’m not sleeping very well at all. I’m lucky if I fall asleep for 4 or 5 hours a night. I’m constantly tired, but energized. When I had my appointment with Debra today I had mentioned to her that it was really becoming a problem. I’m tired almost to the point of nausea because I’m just not sleeping like I should. She thought it would be best I talk to Dr polke about it. I went up to see if there was any way he could squeeze a few words in with me. As I was waiting I guess Debra had seen him in the hall and talked to him so she came out and talked with me. He wants me to stop the pills. It was so crushing to hear that. They were working. The benifits are so much better then the risks. That’s my oppinion. I lost 4 lbs. in the first week alone without any exorcize, just diet. I would never be able to follow this diet and lose weight and be able to have the energy to go through my day without them. I’m going to fail if I stop. So, against his advice I am just going to deal with not sleeping right and continue taking them. I will try everything in the world to get myself to sleep. Maybe if I start a workout schedule everyday it will burn off my energy and I will sleep better. I’m going to look into other natural ways to help me sleep, like melatonin. I will make this work. I’m terrified to stop taking the medication because I don’t want to be hungry again. I don’t want the midnight cravings and snacks to start again. I need to make this work. I’m hoping that if I just continue to take them and find a way to help my sleeping issue he will let me continue to take them. Without his consent I am off of them after 30 days anyways and that scares me. I don’t want to make all this progress and then go back. I don’t want to fail. So good news….. I lost 4 lbs. My first week. Bad news sleep sucks! Let’s hope it gets better.
I was so tired and ready for bed around 7pm, but it was too early for bed. I still had to give the little one a bath and put him into bed. So I kept myself up and slugged through. I took a shower after he got out, got in my jammies, tucked nathan into bed and crawled into my own bed. I watched a few shows on Netflix and at about 10 I figured it was time. I turned the light off, put my head on the pillow, and BAM!!!! I was wide awake! I mean I had enough energy to dig a hole to China or something. It was crazy. Hubby came home from work at about 11:15 and crawled I’m bed. I laI’d there tossing and turning all night long. Looked at the clock…..1am. Looked at the clock 2:30am. My knees hurt and my legs hurt so every position I got in that my head was comfortable, wouldn’t be comfortable with my legs. I must have walked around my house a dozen times in the dark last night. I’m totally exhausted today. I think in total I had gotten about 3-4 hours of broken up sleep. Let’s hope I make it through day 3! Oh, and I woke up to an email from Debra. My starting weight….not pretty…..285.2 😦 so depressing!!!
Ok, so day two wasn’t as easy as day one. I was supposed to have family over for dinner tonight so I spent from the time I woke up til right before they were supposed to be here scrubbing the house, doing laundry, cooking a huge dinner, and overall just running myself ragged. I had a huge pan of lazanga for dinner ready, the house was clean, and I had just gotten my son (nathanial) off the bus when I was told family wasn’t coming. Something had come up. That was a bit discouraging. I really had worked my butt off for this. Oh well. Shit happens. Dinner came out of the oven and it smelled so good. I was actually hungry. Really hungry! I gave myself a small peice, about the size of a deck of cards just like Debra told me was the right portion size. I scarfed it down and was still hungry. It really sucked to sit there and watch Nathan eat and Kevin eat but I just couldn’t eat anymore even though I wanted too. I just keep telling myself, this is what I want! I need to lose weight and get healthier. All in all today was tough, I had bursts of energy through out the morning and afternoon, but once 4pm hit I was just wiped. Plus, I worked hard today getting the house nice so I’m a bit sore. Being hungry aND not being able to eat is hard. I really didn’t think it would be this hard but it really is. I’m not exactly eating the way Debra wants me too. She wants me to basically eat every 2 hours, small snacks and meals, but we’re really tight financially so I just cannot afford for me to go out and buy special snacks and things for myself. It’s hard enough that my medication isn’t covered by insurance so we’re paying out of pocket for it. I’m just trying to make due with what I have. Let’s hope day three is better then today. One day at a time.
Today I started the journey to become healthier and lose weight. Well, technically I started yesterday. I went to see my OBGYN (Dr. Polke awesome guy) to discuss having another baby. I just turned 27 a few weeks ago and the clock is ticking. If I am going to have another baby I would like to do it before I turn 30. In order to do that, I need to get myself healthier. First things first I need to lose weight. I have gained a lot of weight since having my first child in 2008. Some of that being depression, some of that being lazy, and a lot of that being bored and comfortable. I let myself go and now its time for me to find myself again. Dr. Polke wanted me to start a program his practice offers called First Line Therapy. I would meet with a Dietitian and we would set up a program to help me lose weight and overall get healthier. He also prescribed me Phentermine pills which he said would suppress my appetite and give me more energy, which would make me burn more calories. So this morning I had my first appointment with FLT. My Dietitians name is Debra. She is really nice. Very easy to talk to which helps with these types of things. It was easy to be open and honest with her about what my eating habits were like, what my sleeping habits were like, and pretty much everything. They did a BIA (Bioimpedance Analysis) test which I guess measures your body fat compared to lean muscle in your body and how many calories on an average day I burn just going through my day. It was simple, I just laid there while Debra put a few stickies on my foot and my hand. She hooked up a few wires and then it was all done. We discussed my goals and the things that were wrong with my health. She gave me an outline for my diet. What I should and shouldn’t be eating. Nothing on there was a surprise to me. Mostly fruits and veggies, some protein, nuts, dairy…..The norm just in moderation. She wants me on a 1700 calorie a day diet. For the first week she wants me to just get used to the lifestyle chance and focus on what I am eating. Today wasn’t terrible. It was the first day on my new medication. I felt a little funky (but of course just my luck I also happened to get my monthly friend this morning too so that could have thrown me off as well). I felt a bit jittery all day. I had bursts of energy though out the day where I felt like I could practically run a marathon, but at other times of the day I felt like I was crashing. The fatigue could have been my period, I normally am sluggish all period week long. At times I wasn’t sure how i felt. Just weird. I wasn’t really hungry all day long. I actually had a hard time getting in all the things that Debra wanted me to get in. She wants me to eat every 2-3 hours. I ate because I knew I should. I actually took the measuring cups to the table with me and measured everything that I ate. The part of the day that is really hard for me is tonight. Night time is my snack time and when I eat the junk food that I know I shouldn’t eat. She wanted me to have my last snack for the night by 8pm. I ended up having it tonight at 9:30. I just wasn’t hungry at 8. I had just eaten dinner at 6, I’m proud of myself as far as dinner goes. I made tacos for dinner, which is one of my absolute favorite things. I only ate 1 taco and then made myself a salad with the rest of the meat, cheese, and sour cream I had left. It really did fill me up which was very surprising to me. Normally on taco night I can eat like 8 tacos. My snack tonight was a 100 calorie pack of cashews and I made a big glass of water with a flavor packet. Now I’m just fighting myself to not snack. I’m hungry for the first time today and I really want to eat something but I know I just can’t. I took some “before” pictures of myself today. I really don’t like the way they look. I’m excited to see what the “during” and “after” pictures will look like. I don’t know what my starting weight is, Debra didn’t even tell me but I will find out and once I do I will share it here for the world to see. I’m sure it’s not pretty, but in order to progress you have to start somewhere. Overall, day one wasn’t terrible. I can do this. I want to do this and I think that’s the most important thing. Well, goodnight. It’s time for me to get some sleep. Here’s for day two!!!